How to Practice Self-Care for a Thriving Life

Laying fertile ground for a bountiful life

Your Life Is a Garden series

The concept of self-care has been around for awhile now (a pillar of the millenial psyche) and there’s been plenty of discourse about what actually constitutes “self-care,” how it functions in our capitalist society that tries to package and sell it (keep swiping your card to keep feeling good), who “self-care” is actually available to, and whether the whole concept itself causes an erasure of the arguably more crucial yet un-capitalistic concept of community care.*

So, I’m throwing in my two cents, along with a pile of dirt, because I think that our garden metaphor might actually help us get the hang of this whole “self-care” conundrum.

Roll up your sleeves and put your sunhat on - let’s go back to your life’s garden. Your garden needs the right conditions to thrive - it needs the right balance of sun and shade, the right amount of rain or water, fertile soil for plants to grow, visits from pollinators and worms, and protection from predatory insects or animals. It might need an irrigation system, weekly weeding sessions, and even a compost, to make it sustainable in the long-run.

* I really love this blog post written by Raiyah Butt that pulls in the works of Black feminist writers to hone in on a holistically supportive and community-centered model of self-care

Self-care that keeps your garden fertile

My examples reflect the Southern California climate that I’m in (also check out these water-saving gardening tips for hot, dry weather!), so please feel free to replace them with your own. Here are some ways to think about how tending to your life garden can translate to the self-care processes that support conditions for your life to thrive:

• Compost for enriching soil fertility ==> eating regular meals with recipes that are easy to make and keep you nourished throughout the week

• Choosing drought-tolerant plants ==> setting supportive work hour limits so you don’t burn out

• Creating an eco-friendly irrigation system ==> physical activity and consistent full nights of sleep give you the energy you need to keep working in your garden

• Planting flowers that attract helpful pollinators ==> spending time with friends, getting out to community events, or even striking up a conversation with a barista keep you feeling connected with your communities

• Using raised garden beds to keep unwanted critters out of your crop ==> protecting your energy with loving and supportive boundaries, saying “no” when you need to, or speaking up for yourself

• Weekly weeding and pruning ==> daily hygiene practices, taking medications as prescribed, attending scheduled appointments - all the ways that keep your garden from falling into weed overload and disrepair

• Set up shade with shade cloths or taller plants and trees ==> build a simple budget that helps you allocate your resources and keeps your garden from overheating (aka your wallet from overspending)

The conditions in which your garden lives

Some conditions are outside of your control. If you have a desert garden, you might only expect a few inches of rain for less than half the year. In an urban garden, nutrient rich soil might be hard to come by, or there could be compromised water sources due to industrial pollution in a suburban garden. In other words, these are the environmental, structural, and systemic conditions that you didn’t choose and are unable to change in a significant way within a reasonable timeframe, but you still have to figure out a way to live within.

Here are some real life examples of systemic conditions:

• Growing up in a low-income household, you cannot rely on generational wealth to support you if you fall on hard times

• Your industry is experiencing large layoffs, leading to job insecurity and potential loss of benefits

• You or a dependent has a chronic health or mental health condition

• There are few places in your town to meet other folks with similar identities to you, such as LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, Muslim, etc.

• Your background or past prohibits you from easily acquiring work or housing

  
  

You can’t “self-care” your way out of these life conditions, no matter how many face masks you do or “treat yo’ self” Sundays you indulge in. But your self-care practices could be the way to working within the larger systems, to create your own personal ecosystem that allows you to navigate these challenges while still cultivating a life that nurtures your soul.

So what are the things in your control that can contribute to more fertile conditions? These will be personal to you, based on your preferences, your schedule, your body’s needs and limitations, and what resources you have access to.

Journal prompts:

-Recall a time when it felt like you were thriving. What were the conditions that were supporting you? Which of those conditions could you work on cultivating now?

-Write down 5 self-care practices that keep your life’s garden fertile

-Identify 3 challenging systemic conditions outside your control, and name the ways that you’ve already learned to work within these

Bonus tools:

Types of self-care infographic: https://www.selfloverainbow.com/types-of-self-care-you-need-to-know/

Easy gratitude meditation: https://insighttimer.com/ellamills/guided-meditations/easy-gratitude-meditation